Cell Phone Carnage

The debate rages, as to how much motorists are distracted by cell-phone conversations, and whether driving-while-talking should be illegal.

My own opinion on the matter is... most people can probably do fine, talking and driving. Some people can't chew gum and drive at the same time. Unfortunately, we have to pass laws to protect other citizens from the Lowest Common Denominator... so perhaps restrictions are justified. Unfortunately.

There is a sad story today about a teenage girl in Kent, Washington, who was hit by the Amtrak as she walked across the railroad tracks, yammerin' on her phone. (Link to story HERE.)

What a shame.

But on the other hand... thank goodness she wasn't driving, huh? If she missed the train while walking, surely she could've missed another motorist, or a pedestrian, or a cyclist, while driving.

Earth Day #1

What a relief! We've survived another trip around the sun, and Earth Day (April 22) is once again upon us. 

Last year I posted some info from the Wikipedia on the origins of Earth Day. A Wiki contributor observed (humorously, I thought) that it coincided with Eddie "Green Acres" Albert's birthday. Since then, I've dredged up a relic from the past, that shines an interesting light. I have in my possession "Volume 2" of Earth Times, published in the spring of 1970. In 1970, I was an idealistic high school lad, concerned about the precarious environmental situation, and I bought it off the rack at Albertson's. You don't remember Earth Times? It was published by Straight Arrow, the folks who also published Rolling Stone, which I used to read regularly. (Back before they went "Hollywood;" I haven't picked one up in years.) It was in the same tabloid format, and on the same newsprint. I doubt it lasted more than a few issues. (It's just by chance I still have it - I gave all my old "Rolling Stones" to the public library a few years back.) My Earth Times is all about the (then-upcoming) first Earth Day, which was April 22, 1970. I'd like to share some of it with you... stuff I found fascinating. Excerpts from the magazine are in light green, below...

[Page 9] April 22nd is Nikolai Lenin’s birthday, the day of Bernadette Devlin’s maiden speech before the House of Commons and the time of the fourth full moon of 1970. It is also Earth Day, the date a bunch of environmental activists have set aside for a nationwide teach-in about the accelerating deterioration of our planet. Steve Cotton, a member of Earth Day’s national staff: “Environment is the whole system – and the whole system is screwed up. Poverty, racism, imperialism – the whole environment needs changing.”

Don't you love "teach-in"? How nostalgic! It was all about being counterculture and groovy back then! (Very "Austin Powers"!! It seems a little silly and juvenile in retrospect.) Also interesting to note that the selected day officially coincided with Lenin's birthday! And that's not John Lenin, my friends! Maybe the John Birch -types were right... maybe "environmentalism" is a Communist Plot! (-; 

And how about ol' Steve Cotton? Rather than blaming the Commies, it sounds like he's blaming "the system" for everything that's wrong! Yeah! It's the military-industrial complex that's harshin' my buzz! Fight The Man!

Issue 2 also had an interview that's rather enlightening. Editor Stephanie Mills interviewed a fella named Kenneth Watt. At the time, Watt was "professor of Zoology at UC Davis. Research and systems analyst at Davis. Adviser to the Prime Minister of Canada, and CA Commission on Environmental Quality." The interview begins on Page 18. Here are some excerpts.

SM: You look really spiffy tonight. If I had known, I would have dressed for the occasion myself.

KW: I was out talking to the Kiwanis.

SM: How was it?

KW: Very square. Listen, the reason I look like this is that I decided that sounding like Che Guevara was bad enough; I don’t have to go around looking like him.

SM: The other day, I inadvertently called a woman a rabbit for having eight kids. She really got mad at me and all of a sudden I had visions of Roman Catholic vigilantes coming down and setting fire to my lawn.

KW: But you told the truth. She is a rabbit.

SM: How did you come to your present notoriety?

KW: Last July or August, Senator Nicholas Petris tried to push legislation through the California legislature to ban the internal combustion engine from California by 1975. He got it part way through, but didn’t succeed. I was just outraged, so I decided that I would write a letter to all the California newspapers … [instead] I had the University put out a press release to the effect that the legislature had made a very bad move. … I became well known for that press release. Amazingly, it’s probably all going to turn out to be true and everybody has forgotten about it. 

SM: What did the release say?

KW: I pointed out that … there might in fact be mass smog deaths in Long Beach by 1975 if nothing is done about air pollution. … The funny thing is – since that media fluke, I’ve won a gold medal and an honorary Ll.D. and there’s been no news about that. 

SM: Where are we with respect to energy? 

KW: N. King Hubard of the U.S. Geological Survey says that we have between 13 and 50 billion recoverable barrels of crude oil left in the world. This was being used up at the rate of eleven billion barrels a year 1965, and the rate of consumption doubles every ten years. This means that crude oil will be gone in between 24 and 32 years. 

SM: How long will it be before administrators pay attention? 

KW: The only thing that will get people to change is the severity of the problems. Like at the moment when I say that we’re moving into an ice age, most people say, “Hah. That types him – you know, he’s nuts.” But ten years from now, things will be weird enough that people will be saying, “By God, so that’s why it’s snowing in May!” … Everybody is alerted to the fact that there is a large and obviously educated group frightened stiff. All kinds of people are running around making dire and legitimate projections. But I don’t think that the public is really alarmed. Look, an ice age is a six-degree drop in temperature, and we’ve already got a third of that in New York City, and nobody even notices. I think you have to drop blocks of ice on people before they become aware that the weather’s changing. 

SM: If you had a mastodon charging down Wall Street you might get some action. 

KW: Stephanie, there are mornings when I get up and think, “It’s got to be all wrong, it’s got to be a dream. It can’t be this bad.” 

What can we learn from this? The first thing I noticed is the air of snooty elitism. No? Is it any wonder these people don't resound as much as they'd like with Kiwanis members, Catholics, etc.? It's ironic that he seems to be apologizing for his "square" appearance... if he's so counterculture, why is he so concerned about his "image"? Second, the enviro-academo-scientists - "a large and obviously educated group" - of the age were predicting with alarm: - mass smog deaths in Long Beach by 1975 - crude oil will be gone sometime between 1994 and 2002. - a coming ice age(!!), the signs of which would be obvious by 1980, ten years hence. Well, at least at the end of that excerpt, he acknowledges that he might wake up and realize "it's got to be all wrong... it can't be this bad." I wonder when that happened. Can you imagine a ban on internal-combustion in California? (And Mr. Watt LIVED in California! What was he thinkin'?!?)

Of course, the "large and obviously educated group" has done a 180-degree turnaround since 1970. Silly scientists! They once thought the earth was flat! Later they thought the universe was revolving around the (spherical) earth. And much, much later, they were wringing their hands and predicting the upcoming Ice Age. Ultimately, the critical question is... when we arrive at 2046 and gaze back nostalgically at 2008, will we get a big chuckle out of the hand-wringing predictions of Algore and his global warming disciples? Or will the survivors be saying, "Dang! I sure wish people had paid more attention"? Time will tell.

Here's what I would say, if I had the attention of all six billion -plus of my fellow humans (my Earth Day message for 2008):

Dear brothers and sisters:

Happy Earth Day!

If you've been paying attention, you realize that some folks who should know are very concerned about the health of our planet, and claim that human activity is causing climate change on a global scale. We must recognize that legitimate science is constantly evolving as new discoveries are realized. However, we cannot dismiss the theory that we may indeed be contributing to global climate change. If it's true, it is a serious issue.

Regardless of whether we are changing the climate, we all can and should try to minimize our impact on the environment. The environmentalists describe it as living a "small-carbon-footprint" lifestyle. Long before "small footprint" became fashionable, I learned the concept of "leave no trace" in Boy Scouts. The best lifestyle is the one which impacts our environment the very least. (You can choose to disagree, but you would be wrong, at least from an environmental standpoint.)

If you're serious about it, every day should be "Earth Day" for you. (And every hour should be "Earth Hour.")

Don't just profess "awareness" - talk is cheap! Commit to yourself to waste less. Send less stuff to the landfill. Use less power and water. Make fewer trips in your motor vehicle.

Evidence suggests the single most significant thing you can do to reduce your impact is to drive less. Seriously! (A bonus is that in most cases, a "low impact" lifestyle is also a less-expensive lifestyle.)

I realize that the vast majority of you can't even comprehend what I'm talking about. You don't have power or heat or motor vehicles. You don't send anything to the landfill. You depend on everything you can gather for mere survival. This message isn't for you.

But if you're fortunate enough to have a dwelling place with heat and power, and a private motor vehicle, or several, this challenge is for you. If your level-of-commitment is to wear a flannel shirt and Birkenstocks, and drive a Volvo (or even a Prius), and subscribe to Outside Magazine, and eat organic produce, and wring your hands and preach to the rest of us, please just SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!!! Thanks, and have a groovy Earth Day.

Sincerely, Bike Nazi

(Sorry - this one ran a little long. I hope it's worthwhile reading.)

Hallelujah... Free at Last!

Brothers and sisters... I once was lost, but now I'm found! I was in the dark, and have emerged into the light! I've served my sentence.

Of course, I refer to the fact that my doctor ordered me off the bicycle for 4-6 weeks, due to a medical procedure. As the date approached, we debated, him taking the 6-week argument and me arguing for 4 weeks. We ended up compromising at 5 weeks. And Friday, 4/18 was the day. Coincidentally, Friday was the day my 31-day bus pass expired. (I took 44 trips.)

35 days out of the saddle... the last time I did that was 1985... 23 years ago!

It was TOUGH, my friends, actually having to PAY for my transportation!* I'm happy to report I never debased myself to the point where I was paying to own and operate a motor vehicle... heaven forbid!

Friday after work I topped off the tires and went on a 6-mile ride.

Brothers and sisters... what they say is true! Once you learn how to ride a bicycle, you don't forget! Can I hear an "Amen!!"?

Winning the Fiesta Bowl. Stepping foot on the Moon. Going on a bike ride. Humanity at its finest.

My smile muscles are aching!

Freedom. Freedom from being over the oil-company barrel. Freedom from stop-and-go traffic. Freedom to go wherever my own strength can take me. Thank God Almighty!

I can't wait 'til Monday, when I can bicycle to the office! (It will take me a few weeks to get up to speed. I'll ride every remaining day this month; it'll probably just be to and from the office for a few days, but I hope I'm doing 20-milers before the month is over.)

*Full disclosure... there is a price to pay, even for bicycle transportation. But per mile it's a tiny fraction of motorized transportation, particularly private motor vehicle. However, IMO, the "rewards" for paying that price are incalculable.

Driving is so boring!!

This morning as I awaited my bus, a lady drove by. She had a cigarette in her left hand, and her neck was crooked awkwardly, to hold a cell phone up to her ear. Hopefully the car had an automatic transmission, huh? (Although over the years I've seen people go no-hands-on-the-wheel because they were phoning with one hand and shifting with the other.)

I'm sure her ability and/or reaction time weren't affected in any way. (/sarcasm)

You may recall that a few months back, Washington passed a law banning text-messaging while driving. Apparently 21 other states are considering similar legislation.

To me, that seems absurd. Like passing a law saying you can't drop a bowling ball off a skyscraper, or you can't bring your pet wolverine to City Council Meeting. Do you need to make something so obviously hazardous, not only to the perpetrator but to bystanders, a crime?

I enjoy Jay Leno's "Headlines."

This last Monday, he showed the results of a "man on the street" poll.

The question was, "Should using a cell phone while driving be made illegal?"

Here's Mariel's response:

Bike Nazi Sellout!

Danielo has come up with a fantastic Imaginary Food Product. The guy is a freakin' genius - the Ron Popeil of his generation!

He's calling it Bike Nazi Sandwich Moistener - "The Final Solution for Sandwich Dryness!"

Frankly, I think he's onto something. Who among us hasn't suffered on account of a dry sammich? And wouldn't pay dearly for a solution to the heartbreak of sammich staleness? I know a gal whose boyfriend broke off the engagement (and broke her heart!) because when they got to the romantic country picnic spot under the tree... the sammiches were stale!

I can see this being the next product you just can't live without... like canned beer, or sliced bread, or tap-water-in-a-plastic-bottle-with-a-fancy-label, or SUV with electric power fold-down seats!

But I've got some reservations.

Before I'm willing to lend the trusted Bike Nazi name to the product (for which, naturally, I would expect a handsome Imaginary Royalty Payment), I've got a couple of concerns:
- Will there be different strengths of Sandwich Moistener for your regular bread sammiches and your "submarine" type sammiches?
- Suppose your sammich is on a plate with some potato chips or Doritos? Is there some way to moisten the sammich, without simultaneously moistening the chips? Because that would be disastrous! Maybe if each bottle comes with an accessory Bike Nazi Chip-Gard Moistener Diverter or something.

What would be REALLY cool is if Danielo could get that Jared dude as Bike Nazi Sandwich Moistener Official Spokesman... that guy knows a thing or two about sammiches! I bet he didn't lose 300 pounds or whatever eating STALE sammiches! (Or maybe I'm wrong! Maybe that was his secret... who wants to finish a STALE sammich?)

The Bike Nazi Poetry Corner

I'm not that big on poetry. (My loss.) If it's not a limerick with the word "Nantucket" in it (nudge-nudge, wink-wink), it's usually too cerebral for my simple tastes in literature.

But - I found this poem in the bus this morning, and it provoked some thought.

Traditional Realism
By Julie Erb

After I’ve been painting a while
and stop to walk the dog,
I see everything in brushmarks –
foothills, trees, buildings, people.

A stroke of color placed here,
a darkest dark daubed there,
the final brushwork evident
in the tiniest details of things.

The view a panorama of paint
laid side by side and blending
just so, making everything look
stunningly, surprisingly real.

I identified.

Julie sees the world through a painter's eye.

I do something similar, at times.

When I go on my annual "motorcycle adventure," on which I typically snap 500 or 600 photos (thank goodness for digital cameras!), I start seeing everything as if through the viewfinder. Riding along trying to anticipate how a photo would compose. Occasionally I'll even ride down the road a mile or two, thinking about a "Kodak moment" behind me, only to eventually do a U-turn and ride back to try to capture it.

I know what you're thinking at about this point... "Poetry? I didn't realize the Bike Nazi was gay..."

Nah... just funnin'. You're probably thinking, "So, what does any of this have to do with bicycling?"

Bicyclists (and pedestrians, like Poet Julie) are lucky!

They have the least-distorted, least-filtered, "surprisingly real" perspective on the world!

Even on the motorcycle, it all goes by so quickly! And although one can notice the smells and temperature changes, I find myself missing out on the whisper of the wind blowing through the trees, or a meadowlark's lyrical call. (Meadowlarks in the springtime... truly one of the most wonderful sounds to ever carry over the airwaves.)

There's an old truck-driver song: "I'm lookin' at the world thru a windshield..."

People in their MSDS's (Mobile Sensory-Deprivation Chambers) do the same thing. They miss out on a large portion of the amazing sensory palette. Particularly when the "view" is the back end of the car just in front of 'em in the stop-and-go traffic.

(In the interest of "full disclosure," the breeze-in-the-trees and birds-chirping is largely absent, even on a bicycle, when you're hammerin' along in rush hour traffic.)

(NOTE: The Valleyride has a "poetry in motion" program, in which poems are posted in the transit buses. Very nice. I hope Julie Erb would approve of my "lifting" her fine poem and commenting on it.)

Awesome Transportation Option

It's hard to feel too sorry for the poor, beleagured single-occupant vehicle drivers, who are dealing with stop-and-go traffic, record gas prices, etc., when so many other options are available for anybody willing to exercise them.

This morning on the (bus) ride to the office, a guy put his bike onto the front rack of the bus and for $2, he bought a full-day unlimited bus pass. Then he sat down in the sunshine, pulled a paperback novel out of his backpack, and got to readin'.

I felt a tinge of jealousy. (I bet he wasn't headed for work.)

THAT, my friends, is quality transportation. Think about it - he relaxes while somebody else takes him to anywhere on the Valleyride grid (not sure about Canyon County - I think it's more expensive). And when he gets to a point close to his destination, he just hops on his bicycle and completes the trip. And the most it will cost him is 2 lousy bucks, whether he takes 2 trips or 20, or travels 5 miles or 50. (By the way, 4 miles is about as far as you can go on 2 bucks, as a car owner.)