Thursday, April 17, 2008

Bike Nazi Sellout!

Danielo has come up with a fantastic Imaginary Food Product. The guy is a freakin' genius - the Ron Popeil of his generation!

He's calling it Bike Nazi Sandwich Moistener - "The Final Solution for Sandwich Dryness!"

Frankly, I think he's onto something. Who among us hasn't suffered on account of a dry sammich? And wouldn't pay dearly for a solution to the heartbreak of sammich staleness? I know a gal whose boyfriend broke off the engagement (and broke her heart!) because when they got to the romantic country picnic spot under the tree... the sammiches were stale!

I can see this being the next product you just can't live without... like canned beer, or sliced bread, or tap-water-in-a-plastic-bottle-with-a-fancy-label, or SUV with electric power fold-down seats!

But I've got some reservations.

Before I'm willing to lend the trusted Bike Nazi name to the product (for which, naturally, I would expect a handsome Imaginary Royalty Payment), I've got a couple of concerns:
- Will there be different strengths of Sandwich Moistener for your regular bread sammiches and your "submarine" type sammiches?
- Suppose your sammich is on a plate with some potato chips or Doritos? Is there some way to moisten the sammich, without simultaneously moistening the chips? Because that would be disastrous! Maybe if each bottle comes with an accessory Bike Nazi Chip-Gard Moistener Diverter or something.

What would be REALLY cool is if Danielo could get that Jared dude as Bike Nazi Sandwich Moistener Official Spokesman... that guy knows a thing or two about sammiches! I bet he didn't lose 300 pounds or whatever eating STALE sammiches! (Or maybe I'm wrong! Maybe that was his secret... who wants to finish a STALE sammich?)


SiouxGeonz said...

Is it 'cause you can't spell mayonnaise? Or jelly? :D :D

Anonymous said...

I recently had one of those subway 'foot longs for five dollars'

I asked for a roast beef, and the dude laid FIVE SKINNY PIECES of roast beef on the roll, then asked "what kind of cheese do you want?"

Five pieces of roast beef? Hey dood, you got a foot of bread to cover. I use five pieces for a standard lunch sandwich.

No wonder Jared lost weight. There's NO FOOD in those foot longs!