A writer named Paul Turner, at the Spokane Spokesman-Review, puts together a blog called "The Slice." I check it out regularly - it's good stuff for an attention-deficit guy like me.
Today's question is about cyclists. (See title above.) Mr. Turner doesn't regularly write about cyclists, but I'd say he gets it! Perhaps he rides himself.
Here are his multiple-choice answers - enjoy!
A) I don't like people who have made choices that are not identical to my own.
B) They get in my way on the road.
C) Some are erratic.
D) The costumes.
E) Many of them seem reasonably fit and I am not.
F) A city exists to serve the drivers of automobiles and they don't seem to understand that.
G) They don't fight back with adequate vigor when a cyclist-hater makes the ludicrous assertion that bicyclists don't pay taxes.
H) Unlike those behind the wheel of cars, they don't always obey the law.
I) I suspect some of them don't have sullen children and crushing mortgages.
J) It bugs me when I'm in my car and I inappropriately stop to unnecessarily yield the right of way and the guy on the bike acts like I've simply confused everything. Well, excuuuuuuse me.
K) I just know that at least half of the ones illegally riding on sidewalks downtown are named in outstanding warrants.
L) They're always whining about having their bikes stolen.
M) Some who ride in the dark don't have lights.
N) I suspect many of them do not vote for candidates of whom I would approve.
O) Bikes on city streets? Isn't that the sort of insanity you would encounter in Seattle or Portland?
P) I don't approve of the Idaho stop law.
Q) Those helmets — it's like they don't trust me and my fellow car drivers.
R) I'm sorry, but I just don't like seeing butts ahead of me in traffic.
S) I don't enjoy being reminded that I get zero exercise.
T) Those people who ride their bikes to work? They're all doping.
U) They want special rights.
V) Letting them use the roads robs me of my freedom.
W) Bikes are for children.
X) They are so smug. They pronounce “France” as if it's “Frahns.”
Y) A cyclist will ask what bugs you about bike riders and then offer multiple-choice answers largely designed to make cyclist-haters seem like uninformed, reactionary pinheads.